I go to church. I am active in a "faith community." It's a big part of my life, but a big part that I find hard to talk about because Church (capital C) shares the crap out of a lot of people. I believe strongly in God's will for me. I know this freaks atheists and other less spiritual folks out because they don't like the idea of things being predestined. I don't understand that because it's the part I LOVE as I clearly have no idea what the hell I am doing on my own. I like the idea that there's a story for me and that I'll be able to connect the dots later on.
I wrote my testimony last year, and I still think it's one of the rare times I was completely honest.
It’s hard to describe and put into words, especially in 3 to 5 minutes, what being here means to us. When people find out that we come here and that we volunteer our time, their initial reaction is usually, “YOU go the church?” followed by “Why?”
Mainly because I can be quiet here. I can listen here. Most of the time, I have a constant monologue running through my head of things I have to do, ways I’m supposed to be, things I’m doing wrong, tasks that need to be accomplished – a laundry list of ways I am somehow not good enough. Sometimes being here is the one hour during the week that I can remember and have some clarity about what I’m doing all those other things FOR. And really, what’s important.
I have been incredibly blessed with a beautiful family and good health and enough money, but I don’t always remember that. Sometimes it feels like we are living from chore to chore, but when I’m here, it’s like there’s a mute button on everything else and I can be still and listen to what God wants me to hear, that still-speaking God that I can drown out in my day-to-day life.
To be honest, I'm not quite sure how I'll be writing about Faith here as it's hard to separate it from the rest of me, but I suspect I'll try.
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